POSTED: Wed, 03/03/2010 - 10:28am

The union of the feminine self and work

How do you balance and stay connected with your feminine self and your work self?
REPLIES 172  (Jump to bottom of page)


POSTED: Tue, 07/13/2010 - 8:24am

As a teacher

I would say to aim for what is simple and smart. I wear dresses, tailored suits, or sometimes separates. I will advise this: shoes. Be aware that you will be on your feet much of the time so be kind to your feet. I wear a high heel once in a great while but mostly stay with kitten heels or flats. In the cooler months I wear boots with my dresses and slacks. I don't go for the trainers and jeans unless told to do so by the boss. Next rule, you do not get much opportunity to use the loo so make sure clothes are not fussy...read: easy on easy off...so to speak. You will be receiving a few things upon graduation: your new teacher bladder, the eyes in the back of the head and last but not least the sixth sense. Enjoy your new career!


POSTED: Tue, 07/13/2010 - 6:55am

Good question

Nya Nya, This is a good question. I don't think I know the answers but my feelings hmmmm...I would say balance. You are a woman first and a teacher second. As a woman expressing all parts of yourself matter, as a teacher you are a roll model and a guide. Hmmmmm I guess the question in my mind is about sexuality...and not being overly sexual yet not hiding your sexuality. I also think about function first. What ever you wear has to be functional...if you have to run and play with children that would be a different functional aspect (and needs) than just being in a classroom. I will be curious to hear what you discover as you work with this question.


POSTED: Sat, 05/08/2010 - 6:47am

Ordinary and beyond

I've been reading these posts and thinking about them. What ordinary means to me is similar to what Deb was saying, ordinary and yet the ordinary becomes the extraordinary. For example, making meal. We all have to eat. This is ordinary. We all need nutrients in our bodies, this is ordinary. Yet to take what is ordinary and without losing the ordinary make that meal pleasurable, beautiful, honoring, sacred. For me I have to start with the ordinary, how do I need something to function, what can I afford, what are my time constraints, labor constraints...ordinary stuff. Once I have a handle on this now how can I bring in beauty? How can I connect with the sacred? This is extraordinary. But If I started with the extraordinary I risk, spending too much money, going beyond physical capabilities (darn, there goes my sore neck again), and other such things. How do you all combine the ordinary first then the beyond?


POSTED: Sat, 05/08/2010 - 8:33pm


about all you have said here and about gentleness too.Perhaps gentleness is the path ?


POSTED: Sat, 05/08/2010 - 6:52am


In another thought...Jeanie and self talk, negative talk/actions. Last night I had a small jolt in my life. Something scared me. This morning as I sat in meditation what came in was gentleness. There are just things I can't do right now, ahhhh breathe and that's ok. I get too busy, I get too pushed, and that is ok, breathe gentleness here too. This is what is in my life, this is sometimes the nature of my work...so I am in the storm, I get tired, I get scared, I get overwhelmed, I can beat up on myself, and all this just is. It is ok. So for me instead of trying not to be negative, or fight those inner insecurities when I can just be with them, know they are there, even welcome them and give them space, something in me relaxes. Ok, this is me and I'm not perfect. Breathe, sigh, gentle. Ok, I'm joining Deb, getting off my talking box, and well, I wish I could say I was going on to a nice meal, but I'm not. I'll be working on some work things at my desk for an hour, before heading out to work...


POSTED: Sat, 05/08/2010 - 12:03pm

Beautiful, Jas

What a beautiful, insightful message. It made my day, and reminded me to breathe. :)


POSTED: Fri, 05/07/2010 - 3:53pm

I find the discussion of what

I find the discussion of what is feminine wear fascinating, particularly in the lines of borrowings from menswear and what is practical for different types of work. My experience and observation is that having clothing fitted to your feminine shape goes a long way toward enhancing your femininity even when the clothing you wear is what is traditionally considered menswear. Look at Katherine Hepburn. She practically lived in trousers, shirts and sweaters when not doing the "movie star" thing, yet I challenge anyone to say that she was unfeminine, and a lot of that was due to impeccable tailoring. On the other hand, I saw a woman the other day who was wearing jeans and a t-shirt, with close-cropped hair, and I had to look at least three times before I could determine that she was indeed a "she". Above all, when it comes to appearance, fit matters.


POSTED: Sat, 05/08/2010 - 6:53am

I agree

Beautiful picture annamey. What you write of has been a big learning for me this year. It has made a huge difference with losing weight and changing the way I dress.


POSTED: Tue, 05/04/2010 - 8:14am

more hmmm and I love you women!

So I love when people challenge me and make me think and share their diamonds. I don't really know though, in some ways I experience myself more in the light of ______________, in the light of what? How do I explain this? I experience myself as I'm working and caring for others land and gardens, I experience myself as I am on a date with a man. I experience myself sitting at the computer with my hands on my chin, thinking. But I still like me best when I am wearing heels (laughter!!!!!) Such a goofy thing to say, but its true, really it is. Ok, but can we take the philosophical, nice words down to the nuts and bolts of ordinary. Like you said Jeanie, but HOW do you do this, how do you experience this. For me, I have to get my "ideas" into the realm of ordinary.


POSTED: Thu, 05/06/2010 - 11:11pm

...or maybe expand the realm

...or maybe expand the realm of ordinary to encompass your ideas. It's all in how you look at it, but any way you look at it, ordinary has the potential to become extraordinary. So rather than try to crunch down all your lovely expansive ideas into a small ordinary box... make the box bigger. lol. Enjoy the growth, Jas. You're blooming. :)


POSTED: Fri, 05/07/2010 - 8:21am


What is ordinary ?How is it defined?How do you and Jas define it?Has ordinary become a bit of a pejorative?I am not sure how I define ordinary.Is it o.k. to be "ordinary"?Like the box idea,bigger to fit in all of that wonderful ordinariness.


POSTED: Fri, 05/07/2010 - 9:03am

Good question!

Hi Jeanie: What a good question! I tend to think that ordinary doesn't really exist. If everyone is different, how can anything be normal, ordinary, or even measurable on a scale?

If ordinary means "routine" that's a different direction. Routine and everyday behaviors could be ordinary for the person who is doing them. Like, for example, everyday I get up, eat breakfast, go for a walk and go to work... an ordinary day... for me, but not for someone else.

I take it to mean that making new thoughts ordinary means to make them part of my daily plan. But I like to change the slant on ordinary to make it "extraordinary". And always to keep my feelers up for new ideas, new ways to do things, and to keep the curiosity and enthusiasm going beyond a routine.

Instead of making things ordinary... keep them extraordinary. We are always growing. The world is not static, but constantly evolving. I don't ever want to get stuck in a routine. There's too much going on that needs to be explored. Especially since I'm getting older. How much time do I have to experience all the things I'd like to experience?

~and with that, she climbed down off her soapbox and went to eat her eggs.~


Have an expansive day!



POSTED: Fri, 05/07/2010 - 10:52am

Great Answer

Perfect.you hit the nail on the head.It truly explains how i feel ,too.Thanks for helping me clarify my ideas.OXO


POSTED: Thu, 05/06/2010 - 10:31pm

Based on a recent comment

by Elizabeth,about really liking oneself,I had a flash of insight.Perhaps,we are able to integrate ourselves when we are able to love/like ourselves...warts and all.If we engage in negative self-talk,negative self- image,even as far as self-loathing.it is difficult to experience ourselves as whole.We repress what we think is bad etc.and cut off the total experience.Yes,all of us have many aspects to ouselves,but those aspects are part of the whole person.Does any of this make sense?


POSTED: Tue, 05/04/2010 - 10:02am

All sides

We must learn to love all our sides. No-one is one sided. Today I am decorating the back bedroom with OH, cooking, ironing, eventually going to my excercise class and being on here. All the people I see or chat to see different sides of me. We are different people in one and should be happy in all our beings. Does that make sense?


POSTED: Mon, 05/03/2010 - 12:38pm


I'm focused on integration of me...and it is challenging. I really want to hear others thoughts and experiences. I am wondering how to feel comfortable and integrated with all the parts of me. Questions like what is the real me? So part of me loves wearing heels (they can be 2+ inches, but I love them) makeup, the sexy lingerie, curve showing clothes, AND my work means I use a chainsaw on a regular basis, know how to drive a skidloader, work with rock, dirt and many other "powerful things" (could say masculine, but I'm not)...so who is this me that is both feminine and and what? I don't even know the word. Jas


POSTED: Mon, 05/03/2010 - 1:00pm


Maybe we actually do not have separate sides to us;perhaps it is part of the whole you.Could it be that it is already integrated and the life task is to be aware of this and appreciate it ?


POSTED: Tue, 05/04/2010 - 6:10am

A diamond is still a diamond

no matter how many ways it is cut. We don't label the diamond as it doesn't require labelling and none of the cuts take away from the brilliance. We don't analyze a diamond, or should I say we shouldn't analyze a diamond, but appreciate the beauty it exudes. I say we should all just try to be the diamond and shine in our own brilliance no matter what it is we are doing, wearing, feeling, or experiencing. Well said Jean.


POSTED: Tue, 05/04/2010 - 7:58am

Soul Sister

This is amazing....as I was drifting off to sleep I was pondering this idea and had a similar notion, about diamonds and facets,related to a whole self.You said it very well.

On how to achieve this state of being....I reckon that it is an intrinsic experience.It happens in questions asked(as Jas did)and the journey from that point.Or is it something else?


POSTED: Mon, 05/03/2010 - 4:11pm

You are right and

Gurgle, think, hmmmm, I think we are only a whole and that yes somewhere in me it is already integrated and that I only need to be aware of this....But. But what? I don't know. How do you experience yourself as an integrated whole person?


POSTED: Mon, 05/03/2010 - 4:26pm

Excellent question

Hmmm...must think.


POSTED: Fri, 04/09/2010 - 9:33pm

Being fab at work!

I am respectful and attentive to co workers. Dress appropriately for the work I do. I work in a financial office so I dress feminine: pinks, blues, pastels as well as greys and browns. Pearls are a nice soft touch! Men like my soft,feminine look with my professional demeaner.


POSTED: Tue, 04/06/2010 - 7:03pm

work today

I guess I'm needing to post here alot...I hope others join me. Work is a focus right now. It is going well so far. today I enjoyed feeling in my body. The feel of walking across a lawn and my female body form. The feel of weeds slipping through my trowel as I sat on the brown earth. The feel of briers as I cut them. The sound of birds or my own feet on the ground...the occasional smell of flowers, I think daffodils as they released their essence into the air. The taste of eating a great salad, the green essence quenching some thirst in me. The sweetness of beef mixed in and the taste of lemon water going into my mouth. My mind would come in and chatter sometimes, yet when I remembered I would refocus on the joy of just being right here in my female body.


POSTED: Mon, 04/05/2010 - 7:38pm


Since work is starting up full steam ahead, my focus is different. I have to say sometimes I miss the leisure of winter, and cleaning/organizing, and having deep focus on the feminine me and eating. Now is fun too, the sun has been wonderful. My new crew so far is lovely to work with, and the work is fun, challenging, and creative. My days are long, and my mornings are peaceful and interesting. There is still stuff I'm struggling with, and am hesitant to write about it...I'm not sure why. And this too, this too is just where I am right now. I miss the deeper connections I had with some of you this winter. I don't have as much time to connect. Love Jas


POSTED: Fri, 03/19/2010 - 6:01pm

So I had this awareness today

As I was working today I was paying attention to the ordinary...remember I do a lot of physical labor with my gardening work...and it is easy to feel "strong, tough...and not feminine." M., one of my crew and I were eating lunch outside and I kept noticing that my posture was bad...we were just sitting on a log overlooking a beautiful view...and I noticed my manners weren't as good as what they would normally be... and that my pants were nice and looked fine, but I missed the tighter/with lycra pants I like to wear (because they show my curves) So I shall be working with "the ordinary things" to not let go of my feminine self as I am digging in dirt, designing spaces, working with wood...


POSTED: Fri, 03/19/2010 - 7:28pm


My thought is this..what is more feminine than being in touch with the earth?See I think what you do is very feminine.KInd of a social prejudice to think physical labour is masculine.Women belong everywhere in any walk of life we choose.But we can still mind our manners and attend to our posture.I like the concept of the "ordinary things".


POSTED: Sat, 03/20/2010 - 9:27am

I struggle with this

I think I have some inner conflict here. I really like being physical, I like being with nature. You are right, and I will sit with your words "what is more feminine than being in touch with the earth." Yet somehow feminine and chainsaws don't seem to fit together. It may be as simple as a shift in the ordinary realms, how I dress, my posture, my energy, my connection to the feminine in myself and the earth. I don't know.


POSTED: Sat, 03/20/2010 - 3:00pm

Struggle no more

my dear. I will let you in on something...I met my husband with a gun in my hand. Yep. I am a certified firearms instructor and we met at a competition. So here I am in the most manly of competitions and my (who knew this would happen) one day to be husband finds me quite attractive. Mind you I am in jeans, t-shirt, boots and a head set (ear protection) so I do not look like a covergirl in any way shape or form but I am still a woman and still have my femininity. It is not about what you are doing or how you look in the process. You are a woman and therefore exude femininity in that respect.


POSTED: Sun, 03/21/2010 - 12:39pm

oh Frenchy I love this

Thank you so much for sharing this Frenchy...I laughed and clapped my hands. How wonderful. Your gun has me and my chainsaw beat and I'm so happy. I am a woman. Thank you.


POSTED: Sat, 03/20/2010 - 11:34am


Keep thinking feminine Jas. Remember you have pretty underwear on underneath. Is there any reason you should not wear work gear with lycra in to keep your curves? I don't mean skintight just enough so that your shape shows a little. Also keep up with the skin care and makeup. I will let you have any more thoughts I have on this.


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