WOMEN & WORK

mireille

POSTED: Sat, 09/26/2009 - 9:16pm

Mentoring

Greetings.  Just back in New York from Paris where I spoke to a group of women reporters from Eastern and Central Europe on French style and beauty and my lifestyle ideas, I was greeted by the posting of this new forum set up for discussions of the issues in Women, Work & The Art of Savoir Faire. So, let me begin a discussion with the comment that begins the book...on what I believe is a paucity of mentoring for women in business.  I raised the issue with a question: "Do you have a senior person in business who consisitently offers you sound counsel and support and who champions you?"   Well, do you?

Do you think men or women make better mentors?  Why? Why don't more "successful" women reach back and give a hand to women on the way up?         Thank you,    Mireille
REPLIES 52  (Jump to bottom of page)

Destiny73

POSTED: Wed, 08/03/2011 - 5:53am

I am a few hours on this

I am a few hours on this site; recently read French Women don't get fat; currently reading Women & Work (not the exact title). It's true, every woman should have an individual, preferrably female to mentor and see her growing into their potential. Mireille, just became one of my mentors - I love all things French, and am learning a lot. Love the style of your easy to read writing, welcoming and inspiring. Rebecca

Vintage1944

POSTED: Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:42pm

Welcome

I am pleased you have joined usThere is lots of great mentoring to be had here,too.For the last 2 shifts at work I have had the pleasure/honour of mentoring a new Nurse.Think I learned as much as she did.Jean

meneia

POSTED: Wed, 08/03/2011 - 7:40am

Welcome

Welcome to the message boards. I don't currently have a mentor at work, and I really need one. It's tough when there isn't someone looking out for you.

Lorrie43

POSTED: Sun, 02/27/2011 - 8:24pm

OOPS!! Marilyn. The message was actually for Jean.

I'm sorry that was for Jean. She is my online mentor for nursing. I accidentally put the message for you. Lorrie

Marilyn

POSTED: Mon, 02/28/2011 - 5:00am

No problem

I thoughy it might be!!! Jean will be a source of inspiration to you.

Lorrie43

POSTED: Sat, 02/26/2011 - 9:02pm

Hello Marilyn

Thought I would drop you a line to let you know how it is going. I have survived 6 weeks on the hospital floor. I seem to have a better attitude this time around, but however, on my second day of working 12-hour shifts, my patience gets shorted. I also realize that I have some things that I need to relearn. Being off the floor for about 3 years, I am having to pull stuff out of my brain to remember what to do. Also, now I remember it wasn't the patient that was so bad, but the family members. "Mother" is suppose to be the only patient I have. My preceptor has given me some ideas to put limitations on the family members that are demanding, which has helped. I am glad I went back to the hospital. I get a lot of satisfaction at the end of the day for my accomplishments and feeling I made a difference.

Vintage1944

POSTED: Sun, 02/27/2011 - 11:50pm

Hi Lorrrie

Not to worry....Marilyn is wonderfully supportive.12-hour shifts are a trial(I work 8 and that is plenty)You are still in the learning curve and it will get easier.One day and soon,it will all fit together.The knowledge is there and you will learn to use it to the best advantage for your patients and you.Taking care of patients is kind of like marriage ,in that you get the family too.Setting limits is a fine art.You do make a difference and that has a value that can't be priced.Nurses are problem solvers .The challenge of helping someone find their way back to health is thrilling.Congratulations on your accomplisments .Please,keep in touch.OXO Jean

Marilyn

POSTED: Sun, 02/27/2011 - 7:39am

Hi Lorrie

So glad that things are working for you. A brave decision to go back into such an intense profession.

meneia

POSTED: Mon, 02/07/2011 - 5:50am

New Mentee

My new graduate started today. She was in inductions all day so I haven't actually met her yet, but I'm so excited. I've got this list of all this stuff I want to teach her. I really hope we get on.

Vintage1944

POSTED: Mon, 02/07/2011 - 6:21pm

Lucky New Mentee

To have you as a Mentor.Keep us posted on your progress,please.OXO

Lorrie43

POSTED: Mon, 12/27/2010 - 10:24pm

Advice from Nurses on This Site

Hello, my name is Lorrie. I have been reading the posts for a while, but I have never posted. It sounds like the nurses on this site have been nurses for a long time, which means to me that you have a lot of wisdom to provide. If I may, I would like to tap into the wisdom that you all have. For eight years I worked on a cardiac intermediate unit, which was very stressful. I experienced burn out so bad that I was having panic attacks the night before I had to go to work. After report and starting the shift, the attacks went away. To get away from it, I took a job as a patient educator for a health insurance company for 4 years. After awhile doing that job, I am ready to go back to floor nursing. Believe it or not, I do miss it. In your wisdom do you have any suggestions to share to help prevent burnout and panic attacks again? Any suggestions you could provide would be greatly appreciated.

Vintage1944

POSTED: Mon, 12/27/2010 - 11:20pm

Welcome Lorrie

I am so glad you posted.There are a number of things you can do to survive.Most of my career I have been at the bedside,with a couple of forays into management(Bleech!) and research(hated it )and I too missed the floor Nurse role.First,plan NOW how you will care for yourself i.e.activities you enjoy outside of Nursing that give you pleasure.Take your breaks;this is essential.Find a way to turn it off when you leave the hospital.I give myself the trip home to review and stew.Then it is done until next shift.We see such suffering that it is very important to keep a "professional distance".This does not mean one is uncaring and empathy is necessary.Use humour and your team for support.Contribute to a collegial team atmosphere and the job will be easier.If you find you start having difficulties ,get help fast.Do you have an Employee Assistance Program?I found them invaluable when I hit burnout a couple of times.Try to leave home at home.Compartmentalize,the way men do.It is a great coping strategy.Try to keep up your learning in your speiality and go to seminars etc.You need intellectual fulfillment,as well.Are you going back to Cardiac or elsewhere?Will it be 12 or 8 hour shifts?Can you work part-time or Job Share?Stick with us.This is a fabulous group of people,who are understanding and supportive.Check out Stress Related Eating in Support and you'll see what I mean.Oh and something I learned the hard way,Nursing is 24/7 but you are not.And the hospital and patients exist because patients need NURSING care.I hope the other Nurses here see your post;they are superb people.Please,keep in touch and let us know how it goes.We have your back.Be well.Jean

Lorrie43

POSTED: Sat, 01/01/2011 - 1:33pm

Thank you to Vintage 1944 for the Advise

Thank you very much for the advice. In reading your post I was able to see what caused my burnout the first time. First, I think I took everything personally, and I kept it with me. I did not compartmentalize so I will definitely take your advise about reviewing and stewing before I get home. Also, I was working three 12-hour shifts in a row, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday with only 1 nurse tech for 38 patients, which meant we were on our own. With having a chid under 5, it saved me having to pay child care expenses, but it would totally drain me after working those hours. This time I plan to have my work schedule spaced out through the entire week. You had mentioned about doing things that give me pleasure. At that time with having a child under 5 years old, I really did not have time at that time and was also dealing with personal issues. This time I do plan to have activities available to do that gives me pleasure. I have learned the hard way "if Mama aint' happy, then no one is happy." I really do appreciate you help. In reading what you said, I realized where I went wrong the first time so hopefully I will be able to prevent or at least deal with it better next time. Thank you so much for your wisdom and mentoring. I hope you don't mind if we stay in touch.

Vintage1944

POSTED: Mon, 01/03/2011 - 6:07pm

Hi Lorrie

More time to chat now.It stirkes me that you were faced with a nearly impossible situation to negotiate.What awful working conditions.I am so sorry you had to face that.Lord,Nurses can be hard on each other.You did what any caring Nurse would do,try to solve the problem and at a great cost.Plus managing family concerns.What we do is very much a part of who we are and it is difficult to keep things in compartments.It is a conscious effort ,daily.Yes,please do care for yourself.Mama deserves to be happy.Looking forward to hearing from you.OXO Jean

Lorrie43

POSTED: Sun, 02/06/2011 - 8:02pm

Hello Vintage 1944

Well so far I have survived my first 3 weeks on the floor at the hospital. I was informed this past Thursday that I will be taken off orientation next Friday which only gives me 4 weeks orientation. I feel honored that they feel I am doing so well, but I get overwhelmed sometimes. I am trying hard to stay in the moment and present with the patient that I am with and not worrying about all the thousands of other things that I have to do. Also I am trying to stay calm in light of all the stuff I have to do. Tonight I am enjoying my family and watching the Super Bowl with them before I have to get up at 5 a.m. to get ready for work.

Vintage1944

POSTED: Sun, 02/06/2011 - 8:29pm

Lorrie

This is something...I was thinking about you a short while ago(ie this afternoon!) and wondering how you were doing.So pleased to hear from you and that you are doing well.Remember you are in a learning curve and it will take time to feel comfortable in that situation.I know what you mean about looking at everything that has to be done and feeling overwhelmed.It is daunting.Prioritize and work from there.Hopefully,you have a good team there and can use their support.And kicking back having family time and fun is very positive.It will help keep you on course.I am up early tomorrow for a day shift and will think of you as we drink our offee in the dark.BTW,please call me Jean.Have a good day tomorrow and please keep in touh when time permits.OXO Jean

Vintage1944

POSTED: Sat, 01/01/2011 - 5:29pm

Hi Lorrie

Please let's stay in touch.I would enjoy that a lot.Will say more later.Gotta run.OXO Jean

jas

POSTED: Tue, 12/29/2009 - 10:19am

mentors

I do have a mentor. It is a male. I wouldn't be where I am without him. He is a great business mentor. I don't know how to answer as to men or women making better mentors. I haven't really had any women mentors, I have met one other retired business woman and she and I have had some valuable conversations. I don't sense she has a desire to actually be a mentor. I think most women still shoulder most of the family responsibilities, even if children are grown, they don't have the time to mentor. Jas

violette

POSTED: Wed, 12/09/2009 - 8:16pm

Sadly, I feel men make better mentors

From my experience in the business world, IMO I feel women in this country, the USA, try too hard to compete with men, to "make it", to think they can "have it all". I think most women, (from my experience anyway in a predominantly male dominated profession--when I was in it....before kids).....are trying so hard to achieve a level of success that their male collegues have, that they do not want to mentor other women. This is what I have seen. They are threatened that another woman might come along and take their spot. Just a thought. I notice, also women in business here, seem to think we females must "dress for success" too, in boring and masculine business suits, and try too hard to be equal to a man. It's funny my observations with professional women from other countries seem to be more comfortable in their own skin for some reason. They can still dress very feminine, wear make up, etc. AND be good at what they do. There are still, today, way too many professions in the US, where if a woman came into a business meeting in high heels, a low cut ruffly blouse, jewelry and smelling nice, she wouldn't be taken seriously. Just look at all these "interviewing techniques for today's women" you read about in the papers. They say to wear a neutral color SUIT, no perfume, and hardly any makeup. I saw hogwash to this. Be yourself. Just my 2 cents here. My dentist is a b eautiful Russian woman. She dresses so European, smells nice and is super feminine. A definite role model for us Francophiles. I have found men in business are much nicer to work with and for and around than women.

Gigi L - Georgine

POSTED: Thu, 12/10/2009 - 1:16pm

I so agree with you! That has

I so agree with you! That has also been my experience when I was out there....

Jeanette

POSTED: Mon, 11/09/2009 - 2:59pm

In my experience, the reason

In my experience, the reason women tend to not want to lend a helping hand to other women in the work force goes back to evolution. Women have always had to fight for things (cave women had to compete with other women for the dominant male, women in certain cultures have to compete against other women for the love of their man-either due to multiple wives or mistresses, etc.). I think it's just instinctive in women to compete against other women in everything. Various books state that women upon entering a room filled with people will immediately review every single woman in their and create a rank. Also, the fact that it has only been within the last century that women starting having legal rights, women have always had to fight for what they wanted/needed etc. They, at times, had to be conniving (think Renaissance times). I wonder if it is just ingrained in us just as some people think that it is ingrained in men to be "wanderers" if you know what I mean. Granted, times have changed, thoughts have changed, but think about how long it takes to break a bad habit? And this is a bad habit that humanity has had for QUITE a while!

violette

POSTED: Thu, 12/10/2009 - 4:36pm

Bonjour Jeanette~

Love your post and think it's most insightful. Thank you. Isn't it amazing how times really haven't changed all that much???? Violette~

Vintage1944

POSTED: Mon, 11/16/2009 - 8:08pm

Perfect

I agree it goes deep and it is ancient.On the other hand look at how supportive and helpful everyone is here.It is possible to change.Jean

struth

POSTED: Thu, 10/29/2009 - 10:54pm

Mentoring

Bonjour Mireille, I have just bought your new book (online, it hasn't reached Australia yet) and can't wait to read it! I can honestly say I have been seeking a mentor ever since I began my working life but have never found anyone who could approximate. A few career changes have not helped. My current boss, a man, has been the greatest help to me, but he is leaving next week. Although I have worked with some great, supportive women, I think because there are so many young women in the industries I have worked in (charities and universities) individual attention or mentoring does not happen. Maybe women who are very successful do not reach back and mentor as much as men because they are a bit more modest about thier achievements? Thanks, Ruth

Marilyn

POSTED: Thu, 10/29/2009 - 3:18pm

Career

I wish I had had a mentor to quide me in my career path. I have not been ambitious in either of my career paths and feel I have not achieved any potential. I have made the choices of marriage and motherhood over career. My daughter is my most precious 'achievement' and I would not change that for the world but at the retirement stage in my life I feel I could have done so much more with a little encouragement.

I changed my career path in the midst of a disastrous first marriage but then had to choose between my second relationship and promotion. Because of the circumstances of the relationship I turned down the promotion, a choice I have never regreted, but never again had the chance to extend myself.

Perhaps now is the time to rethink and it may not be too late to realise some part of the dream.

mireille

POSTED: Thu, 12/10/2009 - 10:39pm

Never too late

Bonsoir Marilyn, We must always have dreams and also be proactive so it's not (and never) too late...go for it there are so many possibilities out there. Good luck, Mireille

Vintage1944

POSTED: Fri, 10/30/2009 - 8:00am

Hello My Dear

This idea of mentoring has touched a chord in all of us.In my opinion,you chose wisely.Yet,we all wonder what might have been.And yes it is not too late to rethink and do what you want.

I think you would be an excellent mentor.Tell us what do you want to do?OXO Jean

frenchy

POSTED: Thu, 10/29/2009 - 6:05pm

Oh Marilyn

it is never too late to have your dreams. Even if they are but a part of what you wanted sometime past. Now is the time to embrace something that you may not have had time to do before! We are here to support you! Deborah

Marilyn

POSTED: Sat, 10/31/2009 - 11:40am

Thank you my friends

I never regreted my decisions but feel that with a little help I could have achieved more. My fault as well as I do not have the agressive streak you seem to need to get anywhere in the professional circles in the UK.

When I retire I intend to put my mind to the some of the things I wish I wish I had pursued. Learning to speak French properly not just schoolgirl french being one of them. Like Deborah I would like to try to write, short stories if nothingelse. watch this space after February!!

frenchy

POSTED: Wed, 10/28/2009 - 7:19pm

Mireille

I would like to express my most heartfelt thanks to you for this book. I am at a crossroads in my life with my career and reading your book has given me a reassurance and a path to to guide me. I have enjoyed this Community page more than you will ever know and have made amazing friendships. I still am unsure as to what lies ahead but with your mentorship through the book I am no longer frightened of what may or may not be. I thank you for this. Deborah

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