WOMEN & WORK

mireille

POSTED: Sat, 09/26/2009 - 10:16pm

Mentoring

Greetings.  Just back in New York from Paris where I spoke to a group of women reporters from Eastern and Central Europe on French style and beauty and my lifestyle ideas, I was greeted by the posting of this new forum set up for discussions of the issues in Women, Work & The Art of Savoir Faire. So, let me begin a discussion with the comment that begins the book...on what I believe is a paucity of mentoring for women in business.  I raised the issue with a question: "Do you have a senior person in business who consisitently offers you sound counsel and support and who champions you?"   Well, do you?

Do you think men or women make better mentors?  Why? Why don't more "successful" women reach back and give a hand to women on the way up?         Thank you,    Mireille
REPLIES 65  (Jump to bottom of page)

Stephanie

POSTED: Thu, 03/15/2012 - 6:18pm

I sought out a mentor outside of my field.

I work in a company that encourages in house mentoring, but the choices of mentors are lacking. The women who participate have done a great job, but none are really women I admire. Dare I say they have given up their femininity to adopt more man like behaviors to succeed in their fields. I had an informal mentoring relationship with someone completely outside of my field which I found highly rewarding. I chose her because she is both chic, celebrates her femininity and has an outstanding work ethic. I admire her so much. I did learn a lot from her, mostly to follow your dreams and work very hard at what you do. She was a glimpse into a creative field that I rarely get to see, but also a hard working entrepreneur.

Kimberly

POSTED: Tue, 03/13/2012 - 1:21pm

A request....

I don't know if this is possible but I would love to find someone to help me learn French either by e-mails or talks. There are classes here but right now I cannot afford them. I would like to learn enough to speak basic French with someone. If anyone can help or knows of someone that can help, please let me know. I would would so much appreciate it. Right now I subscribe to a blog called One French Word which is interesting. It's kind of a word a day and cooking lesson combined and has been interesting. Thank you so much!

MrsHonniB

POSTED: Thu, 03/15/2012 - 6:34pm

Free french classes

http://www.bbc.co.uk/languages/french/ These are some nice free french classes. I've tryed them before but didn't go on to do them all....maybe we could give it a trye together?

MrsHonniB

POSTED: Thu, 03/15/2012 - 6:35pm

French Classes

I mean "French steps"

Kimberly

POSTED: Thu, 03/15/2012 - 10:13pm

That sounds great!

I would love to do this. Let's make it happen :)

jracus

POSTED: Thu, 03/15/2012 - 3:46pm

I just posted on another

I just posted on another topic that I'd like to try french again myself!! I have taken twice before but didnt really do well at my uni. course b/c I had an arrogant teacher. So I'd love to try it again!! I cant mentor as I'd be starting all over again but I could act as support :)

Kimberly

POSTED: Thu, 03/15/2012 - 10:25pm

Tahnk you :)

I would love to have support. I looked at the BBC website and it seems pretty straight forward. It would at least be a beginning.

Kimberly

POSTED: Thu, 03/15/2012 - 10:25pm

Oops

I meant T H A N K Y O U :) My fingers type before my words are ready lol.

FemmeFatale

POSTED: Mon, 03/12/2012 - 9:46pm

Late Reply

I know this seems to be a 'closed' message board, but it's sad to say that in the 3 years since this message board started, it hasn't changed much. I've just graduated from university with a BA in Languages and Applied Linguistics - Chinese Major- and there still aren't many women mentors around, perhaps even less of them here in Australia then in America. I don't see why I have to lose my femininity to be good at what I do, but it seems that that is the way it has to be. I'm even struggling to get into any of the industries I'm interested in - and would have loved - would still love - to have a mentor to provide support and counsel. I had an amazing mentor whilst in uni (for academic stuff), but nothing now, and I feel sure it would help. Ultimately, I know where I want to end up - Interpreting, but my Chinese is not yet good enough, so I'm continuing my study of the language part-time via online study at another uni - but until that time comes, I'm looking for a Graduate position, and it feels like I'm getting nowhere, and I'm not sure where I'm going wrong. I'm going to head to the Library and have a look at "Women, Work and the art of Savior Faire", but still feel quite stuck. Any mentor, male or female, would be so amazingly welcome right now. But it seems, that less and less people are willing to mentor now than ever. Sorry this seems to have turned into a selfish whinge-rant, but I do feel better, and would love to know about others experiences with finding mentors, or being a mentor.

Kimberly

POSTED: Tue, 03/13/2012 - 12:57pm

I agree Femme Fatale

I too was a college graduate a little later in life in my mid twenties. I did my coursework and an internship but once graduation was over I was alone. In some circumstances your parents will mentor and guide you but neither of my parents had gone to college. They had never lived outside our small rural town. There are many opportunities but it is nice to have someone guide and encourage you. I wish I had someone like that. In some ways I feel it has made me afraid to try things. I love my mom so much but she is a negative personality. When I had first finished college I wanted to use my skills and see the world or somewhere different than what I had known. In her eyes this was just ridiculous and outrageous. I did for a short while live in a different state and worked a seasonal job in my field. As you are a young person I encourage you to try something new and to not be afraid. You are setting the course for your life. The world is a large place and the right place for you is there waiting for you to embrace it. I myself have recently taken a chance and started working from home again. The reason I did this was because I wanted to enjoy my life to the fullest and one cannot do that with a two hour daily commute. Once I get everything in order I hope to save so I can go to France which is the one thing I would love to do. As you do have a degree, don't focus on the negative, focus on the positive. Don't say you can't, say you can. Maybe try teaching English in China where you can work in something you know and hone your Chinese and soak in the culture. There are many women here on the boards who have much more experience than I do. I have never met a negative person here or seen any fighting as I have on other boards. Please keep coming back and keep us updated on what you are up to.

snorklee

POSTED: Mon, 03/12/2012 - 10:27pm

Hi Femme Fatale

i agree that mentoring is hard to come by. I've read "Women, Work and the Art of Savior Faire" and it is an amazing insight into women and business. I wish that Mireille could personally mentor women. I'm 56 years old and have found my way in the employment world, basically devoid of mentors. I wish I had read the book when I was your age. It would have changed the way I approached my employment life. It is definitely something for you to read. As for real life mentors, this site is a wealth of older women who have worked most of our lives. I would love to be a mentor of sorts for you, even though my work is in nursing. There are others here who have different experiences. Consider us a resource for you. Any questions at all, I will try to answer to the best of my ability. My work experience stretches beyond nursing. Before that I was in advertising, journalism and I had my own businesses in both advertising and catering. I'm sure that others here also have a wealth of experience and advice. We are here for you. :)

FemmeFatale

POSTED: Mon, 03/12/2012 - 11:23pm

Wow. I've got to admit, I'm

Wow. I've got to admit, I'm a little daunted by everything. I graduated in the middle of December, and am still looking for a graduate position. I know it can take a long time, but you do start to feel a little, well, desperate I guess. It's not particularly good for your self esteem. I'm wanting to get into industries like publishing (editing and proofreading), Human Resources (not my first choice), Travel, Tourism, Intelligence, Anything international I suppose, though I'm open to look at anything really. I guess not knowing how to really start is the hardest bit. I mean, I look for jobs going, and I apply, but I'm not sure where I'm going wrong to start off with. Thanks so much for your support, it's nice just to know sometimes that other people have had the same experiences or problems :)

snorklee

POSTED: Thu, 03/15/2012 - 8:22pm

I have found...

that writing opens doors to publishing, advertising, editing and proofreading. Become a stringer on a local paper, and volunteer for any and all feature articles that you can manage. Get your byline out there. Being in the business on the bottom floor will open doors and make connections that you wouldn't have otherwise, because you will have proven that you have paid your dues and were willing to start at the bottom/

Destiny73

POSTED: Wed, 08/03/2011 - 6:53am

I am a few hours on this

I am a few hours on this site; recently read French Women don't get fat; currently reading Women & Work (not the exact title). It's true, every woman should have an individual, preferrably female to mentor and see her growing into their potential. Mireille, just became one of my mentors - I love all things French, and am learning a lot. Love the style of your easy to read writing, welcoming and inspiring. Rebecca

Vintage1944

POSTED: Wed, 08/03/2011 - 11:42pm

Welcome

I am pleased you have joined usThere is lots of great mentoring to be had here,too.For the last 2 shifts at work I have had the pleasure/honour of mentoring a new Nurse.Think I learned as much as she did.Jean

meneia

POSTED: Wed, 08/03/2011 - 8:40am

Welcome

Welcome to the message boards. I don't currently have a mentor at work, and I really need one. It's tough when there isn't someone looking out for you.

Lorrie43

POSTED: Sun, 02/27/2011 - 9:24pm

OOPS!! Marilyn. The message was actually for Jean.

I'm sorry that was for Jean. She is my online mentor for nursing. I accidentally put the message for you. Lorrie

Marilyn

POSTED: Mon, 02/28/2011 - 6:00am

No problem

I thoughy it might be!!! Jean will be a source of inspiration to you.

Lorrie43

POSTED: Sat, 02/26/2011 - 10:02pm

Hello Marilyn

Thought I would drop you a line to let you know how it is going. I have survived 6 weeks on the hospital floor. I seem to have a better attitude this time around, but however, on my second day of working 12-hour shifts, my patience gets shorted. I also realize that I have some things that I need to relearn. Being off the floor for about 3 years, I am having to pull stuff out of my brain to remember what to do. Also, now I remember it wasn't the patient that was so bad, but the family members. "Mother" is suppose to be the only patient I have. My preceptor has given me some ideas to put limitations on the family members that are demanding, which has helped. I am glad I went back to the hospital. I get a lot of satisfaction at the end of the day for my accomplishments and feeling I made a difference.

Vintage1944

POSTED: Mon, 02/28/2011 - 12:50am

Hi Lorrrie

Not to worry....Marilyn is wonderfully supportive.12-hour shifts are a trial(I work 8 and that is plenty)You are still in the learning curve and it will get easier.One day and soon,it will all fit together.The knowledge is there and you will learn to use it to the best advantage for your patients and you.Taking care of patients is kind of like marriage ,in that you get the family too.Setting limits is a fine art.You do make a difference and that has a value that can't be priced.Nurses are problem solvers .The challenge of helping someone find their way back to health is thrilling.Congratulations on your accomplisments .Please,keep in touch.OXO Jean

Marilyn

POSTED: Sun, 02/27/2011 - 8:39am

Hi Lorrie

So glad that things are working for you. A brave decision to go back into such an intense profession.

meneia

POSTED: Mon, 02/07/2011 - 6:50am

New Mentee

My new graduate started today. She was in inductions all day so I haven't actually met her yet, but I'm so excited. I've got this list of all this stuff I want to teach her. I really hope we get on.

Vintage1944

POSTED: Mon, 02/07/2011 - 7:21pm

Lucky New Mentee

To have you as a Mentor.Keep us posted on your progress,please.OXO

Lorrie43

POSTED: Mon, 12/27/2010 - 11:24pm

Advice from Nurses on This Site

Hello, my name is Lorrie. I have been reading the posts for a while, but I have never posted. It sounds like the nurses on this site have been nurses for a long time, which means to me that you have a lot of wisdom to provide. If I may, I would like to tap into the wisdom that you all have. For eight years I worked on a cardiac intermediate unit, which was very stressful. I experienced burn out so bad that I was having panic attacks the night before I had to go to work. After report and starting the shift, the attacks went away. To get away from it, I took a job as a patient educator for a health insurance company for 4 years. After awhile doing that job, I am ready to go back to floor nursing. Believe it or not, I do miss it. In your wisdom do you have any suggestions to share to help prevent burnout and panic attacks again? Any suggestions you could provide would be greatly appreciated.

Vintage1944

POSTED: Tue, 12/28/2010 - 12:20am

Welcome Lorrie

I am so glad you posted.There are a number of things you can do to survive.Most of my career I have been at the bedside,with a couple of forays into management(Bleech!) and research(hated it )and I too missed the floor Nurse role.First,plan NOW how you will care for yourself i.e.activities you enjoy outside of Nursing that give you pleasure.Take your breaks;this is essential.Find a way to turn it off when you leave the hospital.I give myself the trip home to review and stew.Then it is done until next shift.We see such suffering that it is very important to keep a "professional distance".This does not mean one is uncaring and empathy is necessary.Use humour and your team for support.Contribute to a collegial team atmosphere and the job will be easier.If you find you start having difficulties ,get help fast.Do you have an Employee Assistance Program?I found them invaluable when I hit burnout a couple of times.Try to leave home at home.Compartmentalize,the way men do.It is a great coping strategy.Try to keep up your learning in your speiality and go to seminars etc.You need intellectual fulfillment,as well.Are you going back to Cardiac or elsewhere?Will it be 12 or 8 hour shifts?Can you work part-time or Job Share?Stick with us.This is a fabulous group of people,who are understanding and supportive.Check out Stress Related Eating in Support and you'll see what I mean.Oh and something I learned the hard way,Nursing is 24/7 but you are not.And the hospital and patients exist because patients need NURSING care.I hope the other Nurses here see your post;they are superb people.Please,keep in touch and let us know how it goes.We have your back.Be well.Jean

Lorrie43

POSTED: Sat, 01/01/2011 - 2:33pm

Thank you to Vintage 1944 for the Advise

Thank you very much for the advice. In reading your post I was able to see what caused my burnout the first time. First, I think I took everything personally, and I kept it with me. I did not compartmentalize so I will definitely take your advise about reviewing and stewing before I get home. Also, I was working three 12-hour shifts in a row, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday with only 1 nurse tech for 38 patients, which meant we were on our own. With having a chid under 5, it saved me having to pay child care expenses, but it would totally drain me after working those hours. This time I plan to have my work schedule spaced out through the entire week. You had mentioned about doing things that give me pleasure. At that time with having a child under 5 years old, I really did not have time at that time and was also dealing with personal issues. This time I do plan to have activities available to do that gives me pleasure. I have learned the hard way "if Mama aint' happy, then no one is happy." I really do appreciate you help. In reading what you said, I realized where I went wrong the first time so hopefully I will be able to prevent or at least deal with it better next time. Thank you so much for your wisdom and mentoring. I hope you don't mind if we stay in touch.

Vintage1944

POSTED: Mon, 01/03/2011 - 7:07pm

Hi Lorrie

More time to chat now.It stirkes me that you were faced with a nearly impossible situation to negotiate.What awful working conditions.I am so sorry you had to face that.Lord,Nurses can be hard on each other.You did what any caring Nurse would do,try to solve the problem and at a great cost.Plus managing family concerns.What we do is very much a part of who we are and it is difficult to keep things in compartments.It is a conscious effort ,daily.Yes,please do care for yourself.Mama deserves to be happy.Looking forward to hearing from you.OXO Jean

Lorrie43

POSTED: Sun, 02/06/2011 - 9:02pm

Hello Vintage 1944

Well so far I have survived my first 3 weeks on the floor at the hospital. I was informed this past Thursday that I will be taken off orientation next Friday which only gives me 4 weeks orientation. I feel honored that they feel I am doing so well, but I get overwhelmed sometimes. I am trying hard to stay in the moment and present with the patient that I am with and not worrying about all the thousands of other things that I have to do. Also I am trying to stay calm in light of all the stuff I have to do. Tonight I am enjoying my family and watching the Super Bowl with them before I have to get up at 5 a.m. to get ready for work.

Vintage1944

POSTED: Sun, 02/06/2011 - 9:29pm

Lorrie

This is something...I was thinking about you a short while ago(ie this afternoon!) and wondering how you were doing.So pleased to hear from you and that you are doing well.Remember you are in a learning curve and it will take time to feel comfortable in that situation.I know what you mean about looking at everything that has to be done and feeling overwhelmed.It is daunting.Prioritize and work from there.Hopefully,you have a good team there and can use their support.And kicking back having family time and fun is very positive.It will help keep you on course.I am up early tomorrow for a day shift and will think of you as we drink our offee in the dark.BTW,please call me Jean.Have a good day tomorrow and please keep in touh when time permits.OXO Jean

Vintage1944

POSTED: Sat, 01/01/2011 - 6:29pm

Hi Lorrie

Please let's stay in touch.I would enjoy that a lot.Will say more later.Gotta run.OXO Jean

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